August 01, 2006

Wondering about Blogher Lesbians

The biggest wonder of Blogher was why I overheard over and over and over again "I think I am the only lesbian here." Do we need to have our preferences noted on our badges along with name and a blog url? I am starting to picture a badge that has icons for the different sorts of blogs we have, groups we identify with and whether we are breeders or childfree by choice or not by choice. (If so, tell me ahead of time so I can skip it. I like interacting with the whole community.)

Look: If you thought you were the only lesbian there, you weren't. The place was positively swarming with lesbians and queer folk of all natures.

Was the statement some sort of bizarre fishing exercise to find a date? to find out if you could "out" the conservatives? Is it that important to you to sort out who is and who isn't?

Why didn't you have a lesbian birds of a feather? Anyone could start a clipboard.

By the way: I am a lesbian and have kids. I don't have a baby, but have friends who do. I even know lesbians with babies, so bibs aren't inappropriate even for lesbians. My local women's bookstore hands out condoms. I have been known to provide folks with condoms as well. As far as condoms being heteronormative for that married with kids demographic...hmmm...I think, just think mind you, that most married with kids women, don't use condoms.

I am a blogger. Pure and simple. I am uncategorizable, I am not "JUST" this kind or that sort of blogger.

I don't feel a dying need to run around announcing "I am a lesbian!" when I meet people, just like I don't run around announcing anything else. Wait...other than announcing the fact (or getting the courage to announce) that I would really love for you to read my blog and I would love to read yours or that I might already read your blog. That announcement occurs whether the blogger I am talking to has kids, doesn't have kids; sleeps with women, men, both, neither; whether the blogger drinks Coke or Pepsi; whether the blogger has a high school degree or graduate degree or no degree, whether I have heard of the blog or not.

I am interested in people. I hope they are interested in me, no matter what category I might or might not belong in today, tomorrow, last year, or this year.

Skip the labels, the categories, and love the ones you are with.

30 comments:

Flippy said...

Exactly!

By the way, I'm a Pepsi blogger. That's way more indicative of my life than being a lesbian. Well, at least *I* think so.

And hey, some o' them lesbians can use the condoms for their sex toys. Plus, a couple of our cats could use bibs. I had no idea that cats could drool so much.

Oh yeah, and I live in a desert and we have trees. Really, we do.

Denise said...

I'm also a pepsi blogger living with a coke blogger which makes my life a living nightmare. I should have started a BOF about that.

I said that about sex toys, on my blog! Cats and bibs, umm no. I don't like my animals with clothes on.

Flippy said...

We don't put clothes on our animals either, but we have two cats who when they're happy, drool. One of them is seven months old and when he drools, he also shakes his head and splashes anything near him. It's gross. It rains cat drool.

Ugh, how do you live with a Coke blogger? We fortunately are two Pepsi bloggers.

This post-blogher uproar about cliques, celebrity, lesbians, mommies, and advertising is so baffling to me. It's like raining on the parade of blogher happiness.

TW said...

Wait just a minute. I AM that COKE BLOGGER she lives with.

Lisa V said...

I obviously would have to look for a different community. I am a diet pepsi blogger. sigh.

Emsxiety said...

Wait, you're a lesbian? And you drink COKE? Hmmmmmm.......

TW said...

I know. I will never find community of like minded people with those kind of tastes.

TW said...

Hi Lisa! It was great meeting you this weekend and well, I just don't know. Next year with our special icon'd tags, I definitely would have to skip chatting with you. Pepsi and Diet Pepsi bloggers, geez, now I just feel so alone. It was bad enough it was a Pepsi hotel and I had to hike to Chevron to get my Cokes. Next year, we will just have to have separate Pepsi and Coke sessions. I mean I can't be the only Coke drinker, can I?

TW said...

Are you sure you have trees flippy? I mean we landed in Phoenix and I only saw something pretending to be trees then miles and miles with nothing even coming close.

skeet said...

TW, WHEN I start a blog (don't hold your breath, now!) and WHEN I go to blogher, you and I can have tummy trouble icons. I'm sure I can start a BoF for white cotton undies lovers and maybe design that icon myself. We still won't be able to socialize, of course ... there's the whole lesibans & coke thing going on that I just wouldn't get, right?

Okay, okay ... putting on my serious face now. As a non-blogger who loves her blogging friends and wants to share the experience with them, I've been enjoying the avalanch of posts that it has generated. I'm learning a lot about what is and isn't important to bloggers, and even more about the dynamic that blazes to life when women join together to share their commonalities. Bah to those who went there to be separate and didn't get it that together works.

JM said...

oh my god, I DON'T DRINK SODA! What's a girl to do?

Flippy said...

Ack, I've made a terrible terrible faux pas. I mixed up lesbians and Pepsi/Coke drinkers in the same family. May I give a reasonable excuse? I was distracted as we were on our way out to take our Shih Tzu to have, uh, ingrown eyelash surgery.

I think we can bring the Diet Pepsi bloggers into the fold. But those non-soda drinkers may need to find a whole 'nother conference altogether. Seriously, if that doesn't say BOF @ some other locale, I don't know what does.

tw, here's some tree/plant proof - http://flickr.com/photos/mudpuppy/sets/562867/

sassymonkey said...

I love this post. The comments almost made me spew water (alas not soda) all over my keyboard.

Skeet if you go to blogher I promise to squeal at you too.

Chase said...

Hey Ramble! :) It was great to meet you (and have lots of cigarettes with you) this weekend.

I love this post. I'm in a relationship with a woman right now and didn't feel the need to spout it all over the conference.

I did stand up for myself and say it directly to one person who said they could "do without those two girls kissing" because, um, that's RUDE. But I didn't want it on my badge. Hah!

Great post. I agree. And I drink Diet Coke.

:)

Anonymous said...

Liz here from I Speak of Dreams. I came over from DrumsNWhistles'.

I like what you said: "I am a blogger. Pure and simple. I am uncategorizable, I am not "JUST" this kind or that sort of blogger."

Me too.

If I go to BlogHer next year I am going to start a movement to ask people to wear a tshirt with their blog banners on the back.

I suck at names on two levels. One, I don't remember them very well -- but visuals? Bombproof. Two, I worry about blowing cover. Some people blog anonymously (mol). I'm terrified that I will use DrumnsNWhistles' real name (for example) by accident.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

TW said...

See, thats a problem flippy, because while Denise claims she is a Pepsi drinker, she really only drinks coffee and the occassional Pepsi. What is the soda threshhold before we bounce folk from our conference?

TW said...

Well Skeet, you know, having a blog is not a requirement to attend blogher. Lots of women didn't have one!

I am looking forward to your BOF.

skeet said...

Nah! Flippy says I cna't go because I drink iced tea. ;0)

TW said...

Liz and Chase,
Welcome. It was great meeting you both this weekend. I was hopeful more folk would wear identifying tshirts this time but nope.

~ nellenelle said...

*cough*

Please don't mind my intrusion into coke vs pepsi, etc...

but you sort of touch on how I feel on certain issues. End of commentary.

Flippy said...

To be honest, I rarely drink Pepsi either. But if I'm going to drink a cola-type beverage, I wish for it to be Pepsi. Mostly I drink lattes, espresso shots and the powdered singles things you dump into water bottles.

You know what, more than being a lesbian, I'm a decaf drinker. Do you know how often people look at us like we're crazy for drinking decaf? Somebody, get me a clipboard!

By the way, have you guys read the post by the LESBIANBlogHER that apparently started this thing? Apparently she's a LESBIAN. Heck, I'm more worried about disappointing people because I'm not Finslippy. "Oh, you're Flippy? Never mind."

Leigh-Ann said...

I am Flippy's partner. While I've never been to BlogHer, I can say with certainty that if I was asked to attend a special "lesbians only" meeting at a conference, I would be completely disinterested. I find "lesbians discussing lesbian issues" to be about as exciting as an episode of "The L Word", which I don't watch. My hot-button issues are things like immigration and animal welfare, because I'm an immigrant and an owner of many pets. I identify as both those things before it even occurs to me that I'm a lesbian.

I guess what bothers me about the post-BlogHer discussions is the implication by some people that they're speaking on behalf of all lesbians, and that all lesbians did/would feel excluded. Personally, I can manage to be in a room full of heterosexual women with children and not feel somehow invalidated or invisible if my sexual preference isn't acknowledged.

TW said...

Hi Leigh-Ann! Welcome. Want some animals? We have extras. Literacy and women's health issues are my hot buttons.

Mudpuppy said...

Everyone we know has extra animals... it's sort of frightening. That's why we keep our door locked and have disconnected the doorbell :)

Denise said...

I always get flippy and finslippy backwards. heh. flippy is who TW says I can't read 'cause I might flirt with her... do you have the blog of the person who started this mess? I haven't seen it.

ae (arse poetica) said...

TW, thanks for this post. I'm slowly making my way around the BlogHersphere in attempt to understand this debate, and I appreciate your point of view. Maybe we'll meet next time! Thanks again for your thoughtful post.

catnmouse said...

I don't get the comments about lesbians and Coke and Pepsi? is there something I'm missing. Are lesbians *supposed* to prefer one or the other? Can y'all please explain? [COKE is one of my one true loves- Pepsi makes me gag.]

FlippyO said...

You might flirt with me, Denise? Almost two years I've had my blog and it hasn't happened yet. I'll bet you too can hold back.

I named my blog before I'd ever read Finslippy. I must admit that at a quick glance it confuses me too, so I often sign FlippyO (stupid blogger won't let me capitalize)because it seems to break it up enough to make my identity clear. Except for name, we're really really easy to tell apart. I'm the l-e-s-b-i-a-n and I'm pretty sure I'm twice her size.

The Coke/Pepsi thing - it's completely unrelated to anything except as another identifier.

TW said...

Yes, she might. She has a thing for August women, especially quirky, smart ones.

TW said...

AE, Good luck with figuring it all out. Welcome and yes, hope to see you next year.